Be Strong and Bold

Michael Ferrara on Camino

Deuteronomy 31:6; Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. (NRSV)

My husband and sons are walking the Camino right now, I’m at home praying for them.

They started their pilgrimage walk on Friday, over the Pyrenees, mostly uphill, the longest and the toughest part.  Of course they are sore and worn out.  Eighteen miles of walking, uphill, in a day, is a huge effort. I’m certain that our Lord is transforming them,  that the ache they feel is the physical evidence of change.

In prayer time this morning I found Deuteronomy 31:6 where change is occurring, God had revealed to Moses that he was not to cross over the Jordan.  An obedient servant, Moses calls Joshua to inform him of the change in leadership.  Moses provides encouragement and a reminder to Joshua that God will go before him and is with him, never to fail or forsake him.

It makes me think of my guys as they experience their walk of life that even in the trials, pain, hilly parts, joy filled and spirit filled moments that God has indeed gone before, is with and will benefit them.

Even when we may have strayed off the path, the return to it will require work, and it will all be worthwhile.  We don’t need to be perfect, or craft an elaborate plan, we need faith and trust that God’s got the situation and us.

As my guys continue their walk, I pray that they realize the transformation they are going through is orchestrated by the Father, and their faith and resolve be strengthened to become the men God intended them to be.  Keep walking pilgrims, be bold and strong!  Buen Camino!

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Breathe

Sometimes I feel like the air has been knocked out of me and I’ve cried a river of tears.  A shortness of breath as the air leaves my body, a physical pressure as I recover my breath.   Feeling as if I have no where to go in concern of judgment or lack of confidentiality, it’s a spiritual attack that keeps me quiet and alone.

That’s when I have to dig deep, I have to pursue, discern and reconcile truth.  I need a God who saves me.  His grace is sufficient and his mercy is not measurable.  It’s shame, pain, fear of rejection and lack of perseverance that sometimes hold me back.

I know full well that I am not really alone, that I’m in that desert place. Where the adversary is pushing me down, when all I want to do is rise up.  To feel the kick of disappointment, loneliness and sin rock my gut.   I work to find the courage to get up on my knees, to pray and wait for a longing answer.  In that place where I need to forgive and to ask for forgiveness, to move forward in the Holy Spirit.

It’s time to shut down the limitations that have been feeding my head when my spirit knows better.  I serve a living God, who’s grace, and ability have no limits.  I have no limits when I allow myself to be swept into His plan for me.   I need courage to let go of what I know to be “my plan” and figure out what is God calling me to be or do.  God has chosen me, and my bravery is in high demand.  I’m not a great listener, I hear the whispers here and there.  I get mixed up between my desire to know the big picture, when I may only have pieces.  I know that if I spend enough time in prayer then those pieces will form a picture, an idea of what’s before me, what’s asked of me, what I must answer to with my spirit, words and actions.

I pray for motivation and discernment to move beyond the limits of my own imagination and excuses (physical, intellectual, spiritual) to pursue the very best version of me.   The time to rest and contemplate, to fight off the cruelty of crushing self doubt in this season is nearly over.  I know it’s time to rise up, to stand in hope and faith and start moving in the direction that God is calling me to.   It’s time to push and breathe deeply and prepare for the journey out of this desert place.

 

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Who’s Writing the End of Your Story?

I just read an interesting article about Ray Dalio’s Management Strategy at Bridgewater where he encourages authentic feedback.  I think this is great, and at the same time I think the opinions of others may have nuggets of truth to them that it could also open up the door to off-loading other people’s baggage.  There’s a balance in the receiving of information and a responsibility of information delivery in a consistent, balanced, constructive way.  Opinion is not fact, it’s grounded on someone else experience, knowledge and where they are in their journey of life.

As I attended Leadercast last year, Brene’ Brown was a speaker and was focused on the brain’s need to create a story to reconcile “what just happened”.   I may be completely messing up her research, so I’ll summarize by saying these are a few of my translated takeaways.

An example of misunderstanding a situation;  If you are in a meeting and someone interrupts you verbally and with a wave, you might start to shut down, and likely start to stew about both verbal and non-verbal cues.  Your brain constructs a story….

1.  They hate me

2.  They have no respect for what I think and trivialize what I say

3.  They think they are more important

4.  I hate them.  Just wait until we’re in a meeting again…. they are going to see a side of me they’ve never experienced…. blah blah blah.

Brene’ also indicated that the story our brain provides isn’t necessarily a truth teller and by not confronting the situation you’ll start to accept the story created as truth.  She encouraged us to confront the story-line, to approach the person (when you can be calm and rational) and ask about “what was that about”?

In what you may have perceived as an attack, may fester and turn into something bigger and uglier than it really is.   If you approach the “offender or person of concern” when you are ready for some new information (aka calmly with openness to learn).  What you could discover is the person in question:

1.  Didn’t realize they did it (most of the time I don’t know I roll my eyes).

2.  They were deep into their own thoughts and how to share it

3.  They were up all night the evening before and had difficulty staying focused

4.  The wave was to de-clutter their own thinking to enable their sharing of an idea and to deliver it as well as you had

5.  They thought you were done because you summarized twice

Ahhh, the other side of the story, should you choose to accept it or not doesn’t really matter.  You should however look at any potential truths that you could potentially improve upon, such as “I summarized twice”?!

What matters above all else is that you chose to write your own ending of the story and that you don’t let moments define who you are and the relationships you have.  Let love lead you, love for God, yourself and those you surround yourself with.

So, that being said, I find value in evaluating opinions and situations at face value.  To seek the truth points.  To know and accept the things I contribute and if needed to exercise self-control.  With God’s guidance, I will write and own my story.  Let my story begin and end in love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Photo credit:  Dawn Ferrara

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God Hears the Broken Hearts

I’ve been cruising my Facebook feed, checking in on friends and family.  Facebook has been both a blessing and a curse – it’s a great way to keep up, but we can’t replace real relationships with it.  I have a good number of “friends” on Facebook that I’ve accumulated over the years.  Hailing from different parts of my life from high school, college, sorority sisters, youth ministry, church, work, neighbors, friends, and parents of my kid’s friends.   I’m of the mind that God puts people in your life for a reason, season or a life time and I’m genuinely curious as to how my friends are doing.

I love seeing the new pictures of family adventures, wedding pictures, inspiring trips, brand new babies to love and just plain silly stuff we come across that tickles the funny bone.

I happened to notice several friends seemingly broken hearts.  A husband who has left his wife.  The loss of a loved one to cancer.  The loss of a baby.  Worry over work.  Loss of a job. The struggles of a child who is battling disease.  Single parenting, dual parenting, illness, demanding kids, messy weather, and complete loneliness.  With technology today we have the opportunity to peek into friends lives without their even knowing it.  Nothing replaces an arranged coffee date, a hug, a handwritten card in the mail, or a call of encouragement.  Nothing.  Get your pen and paper out, write a note of encouragement, apology, sympathy, love, hope, inspiration or humor.  Pick up the phone and call someone…. just because you’ve been thinking about them.  Don’t ask for anything, just give the gift of “thinking of you”.  Put down your devices and engage in real conversation over coffee or a meal.  Hug the ones you love and care about – it’s the simple gesture or touch that may completely turn their day around.   Be there…. for real, God may heal the broken hearts through you.   Be a spirit lifter.

Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.

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Discerning the Lenten Journey Ahead

I recently had the great opportunity to join some sisters in Christ on a Women’s Breakfast Retreat.  A half day dedicated to fellowship and focused on the preparation for Lent.  It was wonderful.  As a bonus treat for me it was hosted by St. Michael the Archangel in Woodstock GA, the parish that Greg and I attended and served at as we prepared for marriage and started our family.  My fellowship included new and old friends, how blessed is that!?!

The focus area was on the preparation for the Lenten Journey.  Fr Paul Moreau was leading us through preparation.  I won’t cover it all here, but these are the tidbits I pulled out that really touched my heart and changed my view.

1.  Lent is a time to build up, not tear down.  Prayer is used to fix or focus on an area that may need some reinforcement or to try something new, like daily rosary, a novena, time in front of the blessed sacrament, reconciliation, or attending a faith focused class, bible study or prayer group.  The prayer focus is intended to build on your one to one relationship with God.

2.  Sacrifice and Suffering are different.   Sacrifice is about choosing to give up something as an offering to God.  It should be something inherently good, that gives you joy or you partake of regularly in a healthy dose.  This would be things such as Facebook, Twitter, cola or dessert.  Fasting is another way to show sacrifice.  We should not include sinful things as a part of sacrifice, we just need to give those up all together without including them as a sacrifice, as they should not be in our lives anyway.  This would include stuff like cussing, gossip, Lord’s name in vain and other things you’d bring to confession.  God can certainly help you in the effort, but let’s not treat it as a sacrifice.

Suffering includes all of those things out of our control, such as back pain, headaches, disease, etc., We should count these as sufferings.  I thought immediately of my aching, unreliable knees and decided that I will no longer complain, but I will offer up my pain for the glory of God.  Chin up, slight lip quiver, I’ll carry it bravely for God and not let it hold me back from living the full life He intended for me.

Sacrifice, suffering and fasting are given up as a gift to God.  Our hyper focus on these things will require faith, focus, asking for God’s help in times of temptation, and discipline.  It draws us closer to the Father.

3.  Alms giving or works of acts of kindness that are designated for the building of relationships with others or the community.

So here’s my whittled down plan:

Prayer:  Daily rosary & reading the Pope’s daily homily.

Sacrifice:  I’m going to eat better and track my food.  I’m also going to get my butt to the gym to reshape the “temple of the holy spirit” – I’m sure God didn’t intend a circus tent, so I’m going to lean down a bit by eating right and moving more.  The suffering of my knees will just have to go with it.  I will fast from eating meat on Wednesdays AND Fridays.

Acts of Kindness:  I will, on purpose, seek an opportunity to do something kind each day.  I would love to have my friends and family send me a pic and a prayer intention and I will pray for them in the evening.

That’s the plan – now for my FAT TUESDAY ice cream bar and prep for tomorrow’s fasting.  40 days and 40 nights to be hyper focused on building up your faith life – it’s going to be a great ride!!

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Pax Prayer

G, my youngest son, is a challenge to get to church on Sundays, seems like he’s always dragging his feet.  We all go to Mass, but he seems distracted or disinterested at times.

This evening, after a good part of the day without electrical power, we ate a hot meal, and then settled down to watch a movie together.  The lights went out just as the movie started, compliments of the new wave of the Pax storm.  After we were pretty sure the electric was out for the long run we decided that it was a good night to read books on our freshly charged devices.  We grabbed our flashlights and headed up to get ready for bed.  I was all settled in under the covers and I see a flashlight coming at me from down the hall.

Me:  What’s up G?

G:  Mom, do you think we can pray together?

Me:  Sure G, you feel like you need some prayer?

G:  I think we both could use it.

Me:  I agree, will you lead us?

G:  Sure.  Dear God, please keep us safe from falling trees, keep us warm while we have no power and surround our heads with angels.  Amen.

Me:  Amen.  That was a beautiful prayer.

G:  Thanks.  Can I stay in here and read with you.

Me:  Of course, snuggle in.

Tonight, G asked to pray, usually we offer to pray, or we just pray and he joins us.  It’s a rare occasion for him to initiate prayer, and to lead it with confidence as he did tonight.   Even as simple as he put it, it was indeed beautiful as the fresh fallen snow.

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Storm Pax Effects

The power went out at 7:45AM as I was prepping for the work day and just returned a few minutes ago.  I spent a good 15 minutes just looking out the window.  I can’t remember the last time I just sat, watched and listened without a million thoughts running through my head.  It was peaceful.

I could hear the persistent dropping of rain hitting the gutters, the chattering ice encrusted trees blowing gently.  The wind picked up and I could hear the crackle of branches trying to twist free of the icy layers that surrounded the limbs.  A loud crack of branches snapping, falling victim to the weight of the ice.  Even an old tree gave up the fight to be upright, crashed with a thud in the neighbor’s yard.

Even though it may be inconvenient to be home bound by the storm named Pax, there is something majestic about watching and listening to it all.  The next wave is blowing through, this go around it’s sleet, bouncing off the ground, sounding like pouring of sugar into an empty container.  The tree branches continue to bend under the  weight, to snap, to fall.

I’m hoping I can listen from a distance and be spared of a closer encounter.  Time, weather and trees will tell the story soon enough.  In the meantime, I’ll go collect my flashlights, get the extra blankets on the bed, if the power goes out, we’ll be ready.

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pax (pæks) n1. (Roman Catholic Church) RC Church

a. a greeting signifying Christian love transmitted from one to another of those assisting at the Eucharist; kiss of peace

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Fall Afresh On Us

Back into the swing of life after retreat.  I’m so glad to have the opportunity to go on retreat and focus.  Everything seems so possible.  Adding in some new habits, hungry for a more deep and meaningful relationship with God and pursuit of the Kingdom.  The next thing you know – you’re back on the same tracks and struggle to keep the balance.

I’ve been trying to build the habit of starting my day with prayer.  There are still mornings that fly by before I invite God to be a part of it.  I prayed the rosary the past couple of mornings, before the work day began.  Prayer time was peaceful, and then the day got more chaotic.  It would have been easy to get frustrated, and shut down my willingness to be a good work citizen.  Instead, I was able to just accept disappointment, and keep moving.

For those who know me, understand that I examine situations… often.  I’m trying to find the different points of view so that I can better understand the motivation and thinking.  Honestly, I think I do this so it’s easier for me to accept things I can’t change, by building empathy.  It helps me remove my personal emotions and see a bigger picture.  I sometimes even discover the insignificance of things in the aspect of all others.   If the evaluation determines an untruth is the foundation, I’ll speak out in the spirit of truth telling and accountability, hopeful to offer a perspective that was not considered before.   Above all, I find peace.

Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on us.  Give us fresh eyes to see you working in our lives, cleansed soul that we can fully operate in your Spirit, and cleared mind and heart that we can hear you leading us into your Kingdom.

Galatians 5:16-26

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Counting Sacrifices

This past weekend, on retreat, we talked a little bit about St. Therese, the Little Flower and how she would take negative comments directed at her, or chores that were gross, or even situations that were plain annoying and offer them up as a love offering to God.  For every one of these events she would use a small string of beads in her pocket to help her count the sacrifices she made.  In this way she was able to advance daily in the perfection of love.  In our retreat gift bag I found a small string of beads, my very own sacrifice beads!!

So here it is 8:30AM and I’ve already moved 3 beads.  No hot water for a shower – click;  A boy who has missed the bus and wants to argue and blame me for his being late (I personally think it’s because he decided to stay in bed an extra 20 minutes) – click;  A situation at work – click.   There was something very satisfying by clicking the bead over the string.  I hope the speed of movement will not be a reflection of how the rest of my day will go!  Here’s wishing you an awesome day, and claiming my own.

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Growing Through Distractions

In the past few months I’ve been preparing for a Nurture the Nurturer retreat.  The theme is centered on the Saints and living a holy life.  I prayed about speaking for retreat and said yes, even though I feel that I’m not always on the center of the path of holiness but sometimes playing alongside in the ditch.   The preparation is an absolute blessing, the yes, rekindled a fire and I feel centered on Christ.

There have been plenty of distractions along the way.  I call them distractions because commonly they are events that would keep me from focusing on the journey – they would be pauses in growth.  Through my preparation and coming to understand the perseverance of the Saints I started to take the pauses and change my lens on how I viewed them.

Moments where I’ve fallen from grace, where I’ve been reactive (okay, over reactive) to life situations.  Where I’ve been lazy in my attempts to live a holy life.  When I’ve doubted my ability to talk about leading a holy life.  I turned the lens around, I’m not perfect, I fall down, but I don’t stay there.  I get back up, I try again, I make amends, I keep moving forward.   What I know for sure is that I may stumble about like a toddler some days, on others I run the race – what is consistent is that I’m focused on being embraced by the love of God.

The death of my Uncle Gary, a funny, loving uncle who was taken from us too soon.  He was someone who loved an adventure, to jump in the car and discover new places.  He loved his brothers, and was often the one to arrive for a few days to visit.  He always was joyful, finding the humor in all situations, calling out the little things that would make you giggle.  His death was a gentle reminder to stop being caught up in the planning but to be present in here and now.  I think God hopes the same for us, we’re so busy thinking about tomorrow that we forget to live our very best, attentive and joy filled life today.

The surprise of kidney stones, for a brief moment I thought I was going to be on the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant”.  The only equivalent pain I’ve ever felt was child labor (there you have it guys a reference point that you can experience yourself).  I could have obsessed about all the work I was missing, the plans I had for the week, but I didn’t.  I took the time to just be still, to pray and rest.  It was a reminder that my health journey is a top priority, and that I’m blessed to be able to pull things into control if I focus.  Same with my faith walk, it requires focus, the deliberate act of being in God’s presence.  It shouldn’t take a health related issue to stay still and focus.

The journey of preparing for this retreat has blessed me tremendously, reopened my eyes, centered my path and priorities. God is good, He is faithful.  Regardless of how busy our lives are, He is always present and waiting for us to look at our own activities and find Him in them, to make them purposeful and to give us peace.  Even through potential distractions and simple events we can grow closer to Him in our every day living of life.

I pray for those who are coming on retreat, that any distractions be quieted so they can enter into fellowship.  That they arrive awaken and ready to receive the blessings God has for each one of them.  For the team, I pray that we decrease, and God increases in us so that He can work through us through loving and serving the women of His church.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

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